I feel like myself again! It took me long enough, but happy I am once more. Most people must have noticed how unhappy I was lately. I was just so very tired, both physically and emotionally. Having worked my butt off for almost 8 years in a row really took it out of me, and what was worse, I saw no way out of my situation. I felt stuck. Drastic measures had to be taken, and I have taken them, somewhat reluctantly, but there was no way I could have gone on any longer without jeapordizing my physical and emotional health.
So Jochem and I decided NOT to get married before our world trip, which saved us thousands of euros, which in turn allows me to breathe easily for the first time in 18 months. It turns out that being in grad school, having 3 parttime jobs, plus working during weekends and in the summer is too much to ask, even from me. Also, it's not exactly fun to never be able to go shopping, go out to dinner or have a drink, let alone using a calculator every single time you buy groceries in order to stick to your weekly budget. It's been tough, people, really tough, and although not getting married soon makes me pretty sad as well, I am glad that the huge amount of pressure that came with wanting to get married has dissolved.
Not needing as much money as I thought I would, also means that I don't have to work as much as I used to. I haven't tutored any of my 3 students in 2 weeks. Last weekend I canceled on giving exam training in order to spend a long Easter weekend with my family in Almelo. And I definitely do not plan to spend July cleaning old people's houses, like I did last year. It's such a luxury to be able to do nothing for a change. I've also had a good talk with my own tutor from grad school and she's helped me to prioritize my studies. The result is that, instead of spending every waking moment documenting my teachings like I've done during the past 7 months, I only have to put a handful of additional proof on my portfolio and my graduation is a done deal. In addition, I decided to give one of my classes back to my supervisor because my students were driving me to the edge of insanity. They are 15-year-old students in a special class who receive extra lessons in physical education, and I was finally ready to admit that I was not suited to teach them a day longer. My tutor looked up my hours and it turns out that I have spent enough hours teaching younger students, which means that for the last 3 months of the school year I only have to teach my lovely 16-year-old students, who, admittedly, were a nightmare before, but whom I've grown to like very much. So, I will end the year with less than half the work and probably twice as much fun.
Besides these rather big decisions I've also triumphed in smaller ways. I had my very first 'real' job interview last week and I think it went well (I'm not sure if I'm the person that they want for the job, but I feel confident knowing that I couldn't have done any better). Jochem and I have splurged last week by eating meat during the week more than once (we only buy organic meat and fish, which is more expensive, which is why we usually only buy it in the weekend). I finally went shopping with my mother and got a bunch of really great stuff. I also had a great massage. Jochem and I went to the movies and had a drink in an Irish bar afterwards (a luxury unknown to us during the last 18 months). And: I chopped off my hair (well, I had it done, but it's SHORT y'all). And it's worked: I finally feel better.
To end this blog I would like to write about 5 things that make me happy, inspired by a couple of friends of mine who write inspiring blogs themselves, in order to focus on the good rather than the bad:
1. LEMON
I love, love, LOVE lemon!!! I love its juice and its peel. I love it in my food; splashed into my parsley and mushroom risotto, or battered into my pancakes with caramelized honey, or as a topping over my ricotta, chili and basil crostini, or in my Corona. I love the Body Shop even more than I already did for bringing out a line of sweet lemon products; I bought them all!
2. CHRIS REA - DANCING WITH STRANGERS
There are 4 songs on this 1987 album that I have played in a row constantly ever since last week. I love them! In 1991, when I had just turned 8, my father went on a 1-week trip with 6 of his friends to the Spanish Pyrenees. 2 years later one of these friends had made a 3-hour film about this trip. I still watch this film every once in a while. It's a battered and bruised old tape that's way too long and that you just know is bound to break down sooner or later, but I love it so much. I guess it reminds me of a simpler time, where I still enjoyed school, had no experience with sexual politics, didn't hate my computer and cell phone so much, and had no idea what tweets and pod-casts are (although, I must admit, I still don't really know what pod-casts are). The 4 songs that I keep playing over and over again as we speak are also in this film. The music instantly makes me smile. It works better than John Mayer, which says a lot in my case!
3. TWENTSE HEIDE
I have no idea what this beatiful piece of raw nature means in English, but last weekend I spent 2 days and hour upon hour walking through my home country, and I realized how much I'd missed it. I feel like a city girl most of the time, but sometimes you have to get back home, back to nature, breathe the fresh air and enjoy the view. We have nothing like it near Utrecht. (And girls: we will have to pitch up our tents here in August to see if they still work, so prepare yourselves, minus Anna).
4. PROJECT PROVENCE
In August I will spend 3 weeks with some of the most amazing people in this world in southern France. We are going on a massive road trip, including matching t-shirts and girl rock music. The American will hopefully soon buy her ticket, which brings this amazing trip, which has been years in the making, one step closer.
5. INDIAN CHRISTMAS 2010
With the money Jochem and I saved from not getting married, we bought a bunch of plane tickets in order to buck tradition and spend the holidays on a tropical beach in Palolem, Goa. Isn't that WILD?! I can't wait...
